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Never have this serenity in prison, unable to recall the last time you feel so calm, never before now. Miss those magnificent men from the GTB who help to keep you alive, go forward, to that parole date that eludes you. It is April, then May, then June, then July and finally August 17; all those extra days you live on a wish, do their courses, play by their rules, write letters to them, help other inmates. Now see the answer, be nobody; notice many nobodies against the many walls, no knowledge of fate. Imprisonment is society’s way to keep you at bay for a certain period; bombard you with the reminder of where you are in contrast to where you are not, retrain you and carve out an indelible sign on your forehead. The permanent black mark states you have been to the other side and a promise to always be different. The only sameness comes from the GTB; however, they forbid you from seeing any of the GTB on the outside as collusions are illegal. What is collusion? Ask those in blue uniforms who carry weapons. Look forward to the day when you see one of the GTB here on the outside and go up to them, shake their hand, and grin. That is all you want to do, give the look of memory, and then go back to your new life, refuel; remember the move forward, thanks to them, to your family and this peaceful, mindful you.
Mourn the end of another book, wake to find that something important enthrals you and then expires. The book’s characters revolve around the spiritual progression of the protagonist, an addict, who flees from AA’s god, and chooses to fluctuate in amongst his own demons as he searches for effective sobriety. Live as him or he lives as you … all part of the eternal search. Who are you? Forty-five years, your life resembles his struggle. He sees the light at twenty-three after years of multi-facet addiction with violence and self-degradation. Inflict violence on that you. The addict lives one life; you live two, the life of the good and the life of the bad; the bad one you refer to as the other, hides away from the public eye. The other refuses to venture outside, communicate or commune. People refuse to believe the other exists as he stays behind the lies and the excrement that comes with exaggeration, inflationary speech that particularly fires up after a morning’s hangover recovery. Once the coffee and regulation uppers activate, you come to life and amaze them with your lack of care, and the verbal gymnastics that belie the hidden, dark, lonely, cancerous entity of the other.
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